I’m back

Recovered, or rather reset my password; can now get in again. May write some stuff, post some photos; but, art work is past: I can barely type anymore, any use of the hands leads to cramps, first left hand, then right; and then the shakes set in. So maybe some writing & photos.

Still ride my bike, now electric, not enough power to go farther than mile on peddle power alone.  Wake up, feel like rolling over into a coffin and going away, but  promised the kids I’d get burnt so they can toss the ashes into the ocean.  So, I get up, move enough to get the systolic above 90 and creep through the day; diastolic stays at 60 no matter what I do.  Had a doctor tell me to exercise: squats, push ups, crunches, he told me I’m young enough to regrow the muscles I lost in my hospital stays.  BS, I just have sore muscles all the time.

My insurance has a new plan; my doctors get paid a flat rate, like a salary you know, no matter what they do.  Some doctors claim it only covers half.  I was told I didn’t need to make co-payments any more; but that seems to have been misinformation.  But, I did get a fifty dollar gift card for getting my blood tests — doesn’t make up for having to pay for ‘labs’ and x-rays — used to was free.

Read RLS on writing and Charles Johnson’s “The Way of the Writer”; now reading Hitchens essays; trying to wean myself from the mayhem of Mossad and Sharpe’s Rifles and Sandford’s Porsche driving maniac. Would however appreciate my son’s theft of my Hornblower series from his mother’s house so I can read it one more time.

Further this writer writeth naught





























































The May survival post:: I survived although they took 2 sq. in. of my rt ankle; which got infected and took 6 weeks to heal. In the meantime I collapsed, ER found a gram negative,bacteria in my blood, Pseudomonas Putilda, supposed to stay in the gut but got out and near killed me; six days of chaos in the hospital: only 17,000 plus dollars plus doctor fees, test fees then six weeks of daily infusions of an antibiotic, 50 miles a week on my bike to get it infused, I thought for free, no 15 usd a day says the bill; now, maybe a life-time of more pills although my PCP thinks I could handle surgery to remove the infected ICD lead. my cardiologist assures me it would kill me. Queen’s gave me 4 messages with the wrong time for my appointment, did the wrong blood test, couldn’t find a vein and offered me some of their crappy food. Wife and kids left as soon as I came home alive.



Might be a topic that becomes quite important; dermatologist took a sample for a biopsy yesterday; results on Monday or Tuesday. A positive result would be very negative: my cardiologist will say I am not strong enough to survive either surgery or chemo-therapy or radiologic treatments.  So then I will not survive?  Or, perhaps the oncologists will suggest taking the leg at the knee; at most at the thigh; there on and above I would not survive.

If the result is negative; a very positive sign, I will just need to continue surviving my lack of an ejectile fraction and CHF.  I’ve already done that for 19 years; active years — two kids produced; several thousands of miles of bike riding. carvings, pyrography, some success at drawing and painting; three colonoscopies, double cataract surgery; at least four serious bike crashes; ribs that break at the slightest provocation.

Guess I’ll continue until I stop.



11 – 5 – 16


A multi-faceted word, mostly in the same frame but at times just barely. Foregoing all the other possible uses, I shall concentrate on the generation of pain.

Today I got many examples of pain generation, gas in the diverticula – a nasty sharp pain in the lower left abdomen; strange in that the genesis is not apparent until one starts to fart, oops, sorry, pass gas that one knows what caused the pain: something one ate.

Then there is the 4 am pain in both feet and lower legs as the muscles decide to contract as fully and completely as possible, generating much pain until one stands on both feet, forcing the muscles to return to a somewhat normal position.

Then there is doctor generated pain. Had a strange growth on my leg; doctor tried to freeze it off; came back bigger and nastier. Doctor: lets biopsy this so when it comes back we’ll know what to do. OK.

Nurse: this will sting like a bee – bullshit, felt like she was sawing off my foot. Doctor: feel any sharpness? No. Good.

Nurse: keep this bandage on until tomorrow this time, then replace with a band-aid. OK

Nobody said when the anesthesia wore off it would hurt like a red hot iron on skin. It does hurt like an SOB. But, I’ve drunk too much to take my opiate opioid, guess I get to suffer.

Generation a really nasty Term



10 – 5 — 16


The relaxed form of troll; I ain’t trolling for nobody nor nothing; I am just strolling about, moving my legs, exercising, letting my eyes get all they can handle. That’s strolling in Hawaii, can’t walk 50 meters without seeing something that brings pleasure to the eye. And, strolling keeps you going, but slow enough to get a good eye-full.

Middle school girls practicing their swing and sway; keeping a cool eye on the boys’s reactions; high school girls doing it better. The beach bunnies are expert at the beach strip. Wiggle that shirt off; bump and grind those jeans away, then lay it down slow and easy. The girls have to do with some pimply males trying to flex and looking like fools; but they all will grow up and get it together. While us over the hill group, the “old bulls” stroll about dreaming about the days when we could.



9 – 5 – 16


complete disorder and confusion.

Chaos theory is the field of study in mathematics that studies the behavior and condition of dynamical systems that are highly sensitive to initial conditions—a response popularly referred to as the butterfly effect.

Chaos: An Interdisciplinary Journal of Nonlinear Science is a peer-reviewed journal devoted to increasing the understanding of nonlinear phenomena.

Images of Chaos: most are in fact recurring patterns, sets thereof so that no single pattern dominates and offers a category for the depiction.

The above are all directs thefts off the internet: The first is the initial definition given when one searches for “chaos”. The second is a theory that in fact resolved a large number of seemingly chaotic situations into the results repetitive, evolving fractal equations; not chaos at all, just a well hidden system. The third – the copied blurb for the scholarly journal dedicated to studying the non-linear. Non-linear sounds much like the perception of dyslexics, we have a hell of a time trying to keep things in order, particularly linear order: letters, numbers, chinese characters, morphemes. The fourth: a comment on the many images shown on the internet that are labeled as depictions of chaos which are not actually chaotic. But, as mentioned above, are sets of recurring patterns. Not chaos at all according to the definition above.

Of interest is the relating of “chaos” to ‘non-linear phenomena’ and giving that the short title “Chaos”. Language then is chaotic; none less that Noam Chomsky, linguistic, scholar, philosopher, political commentator, claims that language, big L is non-linear. To support his claim he uses the sentence: “Instinctively eagles that fly swim.” (Chomsky, recently in a book about the Kind of Creatures we are: date unkn, publisher, unkn, page indeterminate [ I am reading an electronic version which calls each page on my phone by a sequential number; relationship to a printed version unkn]. {My aversion to making notes and organiziing them is, besides being lazy, why I am not a Ph.d., boring some poor souls looking at a lifetime debt so they can bore some more souls. } Back to eagles flying to swim, instinctively.

‘Instinctively’ in this sentence is known instinctively by all English speakers to apply the verb swim, which is remote, three items on from it. Therefore to depict this semantic relationship one needs draw a line from ‘instinctively’ to some sort of accumulator; called nodes in Chomskyian linguistics, and from that node, back to swim. Chomsky claims this relationship is recognized by all speaker of English; sounds like an instinct. But why can’t the word apply to fly; that’s what eagles do, fly. I believe that Chomsky would argue the the item that restricts the item fly to being an attribute of eagle. (There are no words in L, just items that get word-hood on going to little l, language as heard/spoken and then written and read.) and takes it out of the scope of instinctively leaving it as only an attribute of eagles. But flying seems an innate attribute of eagles, and therefore an instinct. Something that is learned without instruction. And, why only eagles that can fly swim ? Now an eagle without wings probably can’t swim, nor can it fly. But cormorants which are artificially prevented from flying when used to fish, can still swim. I saw a film on that once.

I would prefer to say that the term instinctively coming at the front of the sentence includes everything in the sentence in its scope: the eagles, flying and swimming. Why this order? The front position is frequently the ‘topic’ of the sentence; ‘instincts’, eagles have them; one of them is flying, all assume that to be true; another, unexpected is swimming, so the item for swimming is hung out in a place of emphasis. So the plan of the sentence and its interpretation may be linear overlaid by a forward loop; or a backward loop to tie the bits together. To baldly assert that language is non-linear based on the emphatic intent of the sentence seems weak.

But Chomsky’s insinuation that language is chaotic is to a degree correct. Trying to put together items in a linguistic context to convey, accurately, an idea to others can be very difficult. That’s why there are previewers, reviewers, committee members; in speech: repairs and various strategies to facilitate getting out your message. It begins as chaos, and if the negotiations and mediation among and between the participants are successful; the fractal evolution may produce things of beauty and insight. Dyslexics, direct receptors of the ‘buzzing, blooming confusion’ that we are born into, are stuck in chaos, having to learn by rote and drill what others innately, instinctively put together.

Long live Dyslexia and Chaos.